As a mother of one, 33 weeks pregnant with number two, I am rather interested in all things post-partum. When I feel strong, nourished and healthy, I am a better mother and wife. As I am planning to give birth in Spain, there is nothing close to a confinement lady here, and the Western culture gives very little advice or attention to mothers in their “fourth trimester”. So I was super excited to get my hands on a book that summarises the practice of confinement in a realistic and practical way. I have to be honest one part of me secretly wants to just bounce back in a week, go back to “normal life” and not have to “rest” for a month. The idea of rest, somehow feels indulgent in our modern society, yet I know that self care is something that can’t wait. It’s like a long term investment, do it right at the beginning so you avoid feeling “sh#!@t” six months down the line.
In order to understand the story behind the First Forty Days we sat down with Heng Ou the author, supermom of three and a postpartum expert.
Tell us a little about yourself, what brought into the postpartum line of work and what was your postpartum journey like?
I had three very different postpartum experiences. After the birth of my first daughter, I experienced zuo yuezi, the Chinese tradition of postpartum cocooning or confinement. My aunt, a lifelong practitioner of Chinese Medicine, came to my home in Los Angeles and made me many of the healing dishes designed to help a woman recover from pregnancy and birth while also enforcing the strict protocols of this tradition of postpartum care. I was not allowed to consume cold foods or drink, had to limit stimulation (my cell phone and computer were off limits) and spent most of my time resting in bed with my baby. At the end of this regimen, about 40 days, I felt strong and capable, ready to greet the world as a mother.
After the birth of my second and third children my aunt was unable to leave her practice to support me and I jumped right back into life as a busy business owner, wife and mother to a toddler — each time with a baby strapped to my chest. This lack of self care led to depletion and eventually depression.
I feel like western culture has zero regard for the mother after she gives birth. Two three months maternity leave and little support after birth lead to real depletion later on. How is Asian culture different? (I am based in Hong Kong for the last seven years, so confinement is something I know about well, then again maternity leave here is two months so not exactly Sweden for you)
In China, and many other Asian countries, the postpartum period is universally regarded as an essential and fleeting time of rest and recovery as well as a period of adjustment and integration—a pause between two significant chapters of a woman’s life. This is in stark contrast the US and other western countries, where women are encouraged (expected, really) to “bounce back” after giving birth — to their pre-pregnancy bodies, their pre-pregnancies lives, and their pre-pregnancy spirits.
Tell us about your book. How easy is it for uninitiated person who lives outside the culture of confinement to follow along?
I wrote the book along with two other American women, all of us working mothers. Our work was guided by a couple of key questions: what information or support did we wish we had during our own postpartum periods and what can a new mother realistically undertake in those first tender, unpredictable, and energetically taxing weeks home with her new baby? We understand that most modern Western women will not be able to rest in bed for 40 day so we designed the book to be used in any capacity. A new mother can move through the book as it is laid out, following our suggestions for preparing for the first forty days during the third trimester or she can open it at any section — and at any time —pulling out a bit of wisdom here and another nugget of guidance there. If a new mother takes anything from the book, whether it’s a deeper understanding of the significance and effort of pregnancy and birth (and the subsequent need for a postpartum period of rest and healing) or a simple recipe for a restorative soup or stew, we feel that we have done our job.
How long should you keep the confinement diet?
The recipes in the First Forty Days can be used during the first weeks at home with a new baby and for as long after as the mother likes. While the dishes and drinks contain ingredients and elements (like warmth and soft textures) that are ideal for a new mother’s recovering body and ping-ponging hormones, but they can be eaten at anytime by anyone—the recipes were designed with spouses and partners in mind, too!
What about the time after the first month or two? What if you learn about your book three months after giving birth?
The first forty days is just the beginning of a lifetime of thoughtful self-care. Mothers need nourishment and attention at every stage of parenting. The First Forty Days is filled with tips and suggestions for asking for help and finding time to rest and recharge as well as 60 simple and delicious recipes — all of which can be used as a lifeline at any stage of motherhood.
I feel like breastfeeding killed me much more than I thought. I went on for a good 20 months and my immune system collapsed after. What kind of advice would you give breastfeeding moms?
So many new moms feel immense pressure to give their babies breastmilk. While we encourage breastfeeding it is never at the expense of the mother’s health and wellbeing. We suggest hiring a lactation consultant if breastfeeding is painful or difficult and The First Forty Days also includes dishes that encourage lactation.
What’s next for MotherBees? What are your plans for the next year?
It’s an exciting time at MotherBees! The First Forty Days continues to receive a warm response from mothers and birthing professionals around the world and we are busy preparing for the launch of our new website. Products and services for new moms will be available through the website along with gift boxes for the new mom.
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